You Have to Ask to Receive

This is the time of year when I become the person that many hate to see coming. Yes, I become a fundraiser for a local non-profit that I completely believe in and support. It is not an easy task, and it is not something I particularly enjoy. In fact, in this economy, it is extra challenging. However, despite the fact that unemployment is high and families are struggling more than ever, I still have to ask. I have to ask, because there is still a need.

I work on, the Art of Asking, with my clients all the time. It may not be asking for financial support for a cause, but it may be asking for something that you need. If there is a need, you must ask for it. Going without the ask, simply leaves your need unmet. Period...end of story.

In their book Womenomics, authors Claire Shipman and Katty Kay talk about the number one thing that women want to ask for today - more control over their time; specifically their time at work. As a result, women are asking for a work schedule that meets their needs.

No, asking for something is not always an easy task. However, it is essential if you want to be the leader in your life. When I work with clients, we start with the following Ask Skills in mind:


Know What You Are Asking For: If you are going to ask for something, be very clear about what you need and why. The clarity and reasoning is important for the person you are asking, but it is essential for you too. You need to be very clear about your needs.

Manage Your Emotions: Going into an Ask with any emotion in overdrive is not a good idea. It is fine to be angry, excited and even have some desperation. However, you need to manage those feelings when you are asking for something. People want to feel confident in what you are asking for and why. Being overly emotional, during the Ask, can make people question if you have really thought through what you need or want.

Just Go For It: Think about your own kids or the children that you know. They are free with asking.. In fact, they ask all the time. They have no fear or shame and asking for things over and over again. They know nothing about "waiting for the right moment" or "setting up the situation". Instead, they just go for it. True, it is important to be wise about when, what and why you are asking, but the point here is that you have to at least ask!

Keep Asking:
Back to the kids. The funny thing about kids is that they are extremely resilient when it comes to The Ask. They will ask and ask again until we finally give-in from exhaustion or the need to just move onto something else. They never give up, because they believe their need is so strong. You may need to develop some resiliency in this area - don't be so quick to give up when someone says no.

All of these tips are important, but there is one thing that is essential and that is Staying Open. As we go through life, we are not going to get everything we need. If we do get it, we may not get it at the time or in the way we want it. As you practice the Art of Asking, be sure to stay open to having your need met in different ways. For example, you may ask your partner for help with the kids at bedtime by having him do their bedtime story and tuck them in at night. On the other hand, he wants to help by doing bath time. Not exactly what you were looking for, but it is help....right? The challenge is being clear on what you need and open to it when it comes in a different form.

Coaching Question: If you want more control over your life, what do you need to ask and to whom?