Bedtime Wars

Phyllis Zee, M.D., director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago claims that adults need seven or eight hours of sleep to be healthy and functioning at their best. For me, I know this to be true. When I do not get my needed rest, I feel terrible and make mistake after mistake on whatever I am trying to accomplish.

Most people want to get more sleep, but the challenge is getting the time to sleep! Take a look at my evening last night to better understand what I mean.



7pm:
Me: "It's time to take your bath and go to bed."
Son #2: "Why?"
Me: "Because I said so. I'm the Mommy, and I'm in charge." (Secretly to myself...I am in charge, right?)
Son #2: "But I'm not tired."
Me: "Well, I am, and Mommy has to talk to on the phone with Ms. Kathleen, so I need you in bed." (Why does he need to know this?)
Son #2 "You get to have all the fun. I never get to have fun." (Kid, you have no idea!)

Bath time happens and we are off to the races for bed...right?

7:45pm
Son#1:"I'm hungry."
Me: "You had snack earlier. Let's read a book and go to bed."
Son#2:"I'm hungry too." (This is a problem, because Son#2 really does need a full belly to sleep)
Me: "Ok, mommy will get everyone a snack, and we will eat while we read our book."

The Troops Are Ecstatic!

8:20pm - 20 minutes past bedtime
Me: "I don't want to have to put you in your bed again...this is the 3rd time."
Son#2: "But mommy, I want to sleep with you. I don't like my bed." (Light bulb moment...my husband knows I have this 8:30pm call. Let me just send Son #2 down to the basement with him where he is lounging and watching TV)
Me: "Well, go down and see daddy in the basement. He wants to talk to you." (Don't judge me, you do it too)
Son#2:"Ok." (He happily skips downstairs)

Time to prep for my evening meeting. Not a desirable meeting time, but it is the typical "office hours" for us busy moms.

8:25pm:
Son#2: "Mommy," he says as he dances into the room, "daddy said I can sleep in your bed."
Me: "Oh" (Clock is ticking....my phone is about to ring...I'm annoyed...and...)
Son #2: "Mommy, your phone is ringing."
Me: "Thanks. Get under the covers and don't say a word. Mommy has an important call."
Son #2: Jumps onto the bed and under the covers and flashes his big "I win" grin.
Me: I pick up the phone to find my counterpart in bed with her children....Hmmmmm!

So, what happened to, "I'm the mommy and I'm in charge!"

Honestly, I think it got lost between the stress of being ready for my evening meeting, my exhausted body, my overtired mind and may patience that left around 7pm that evening. The combination was not a good mix and resulted in me waving my white flag and surrendering.

What does that mean though? Does it mean that I "lost" and he "won". Sometimes it feels that way, but at the end of the day I did what worked for that situation. Granted, it is a situation that I did not like, but that is where we landed. So, what was the "right" thing to do for a busy mom like me? Truth be told, there is no "right" thing to do. In that moment, I needed to have this meeting so we could all go to bed...I wanted to sleep!

We all spend so much time trying to psychoanalyze situations and compare what we are doing to what the books, news or our neighbors say. No more...what is it that you need to do? What works for your family?

Personally, I really need my evening time. I crave my quiet time after the kids are in bed. It is such a special and peaceful time for me, so I need to keep that time sacred. I also am a person that really needs sleep. I need it like I need food and when I do not get it, everyone has a problem. So, how do I end the bedtime wars and get the sleep that I need?

• My first step is promoting mommy's "special time". I am talking it up all the time. I need to teach the people around me what I want.
  
• Next, I need to work the routine that I have with my kids. It is a chore, but the more I do it the better off everyone is - plus the reward of a quiet house and me reading in my own bed is huge!
  
• I also need to avoid evening meetings - something I will gladly pursue. However, I know they are somewhat inevitable in my busy life, so I need to plan them more strategically. They need to fall on nights when Son #2 is going to be tired and ready for bed.
  
• Next, is engaging some help from "others" in the house. This requires communication prior to being in the middle of the battle field. It also means assuring that my husband and I implement the same bedtime routine with the kids.

Lack of sleep can be a lot more problematic than just making you feel tired. It can also negatively impact your health. Studies have shown that people who don’t get enough quality sleep are more likely to be overweight and have a greater risk for heart disease.

We need our sleep, so make sure you are finding a way to make it happen in your home!